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Everyone believes they are a fantastic friend, but are you really as excellent as you could be in real life? Discover how to be a good friend.
In life, friendship is essential for everyone. A true friend will support and be there for you during the good times and bad. Though most of us believe we are the best friends someone could ask for, are you really capable of being a good friend?
It’s not necessary to have a large social circle to feel fortunate in terms of friendships.
It is true that quantity is not nearly as significant as quality. You should count yourself extremely fortunate if you just have one or two truly close friends.
Far too many people who identify as wonderful friends but are actually extremely poisonous are in the world. Knowing what qualities to look for in a buddy will help you stay away from certain people like the plague. It’s also essential to know how to treat others with kindness and generosity. After all, friendship is a two-way street!
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Contents
- 1 Why Is Friendship Such A Vital Thing?
- 2 The BFF Code: How To Be A Good Friend
- 2.1 1. You may attend a pity party
- 2.2 2. You are aware of when to use lemons to make vodka lemonade
- 2.3 3. Have broad shoulders
- 2.4 4. Have integrity
- 2.5 5. Communicate with them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear
- 2.6 6. Remain the devil’s advocate only when necessary
- 2.7 7. Be present when the music ends as well as throughout the festivities.
- 2.8 8. Resist the urge to succumb.
- 2.9 9. Give them room
- 3 10. Give them top attention
- 3.1 11. Recognize and show compassion while they are going through a difficult moment
- 3.2 12. Verify that the partnership is mutually beneficial
- 3.3 13. Avoid taking over the drama
- 3.4 14. Take tiny actions to make someone’s day happier.
- 3.5 15. Avoid being conceited
- 3.6 16. Let things go
- 3.7 17. Be careful who you date at all times
- 3.8 18. Don’t unintentionally become your friend; always stay true to who you are
- 3.9 19. Crucial principle: When you travel together, you go together
- 3.10 20. If necessary, take your friend to battle
- 3.11 21. You have to inform her if she has lipstick on her teeth
- 3.12 22. Never give up your female time to a guy
- 3.13 23. Your mouth is sealed
- 4 The Essential Characteristics Of A Good Friend
- 4.1 1. They pay attention.
- 4.2 2. They encourage you
- 4.3 3. They tolerate your imperfections
- 4.4 4. You can discuss the unpleasant topics
- 4.5 5. They make you grin when you’re feeling low.
- 4.6 6. They give you the truth.
- 4.7 7. They push you forward
- 4.8 8. Your secrets are kept
- 4.9 9. They’re reliable
- 4.10 10. They don’t judge you… that much
- 4.11 11. They show love
- 4.12 12. Your successes are their successes
- 4.13 13. They’re there even if they don’t agree with you
- 4.14 14. They stick it out when times get rough
- 4.15 15. Time is irrelevant
- 4.16 16. The ability to make you laugh, no matter how you feel
- 4.17 17. Selflessness when you need them the most
- 4.18 18. They do their best to understand you
- 4.19 19. They have your back, whether you’re there or not
- 4.20 20. Loyalty in the face of adversity
- 4.21 21. Valuing the friendship above all else
- 4.22 22. They encourage you to do better
- 4.23 23. They don’t let arguments fester
- 4.24 24. Spending time with them makes you feel good
- 4.25 25. You can simply be yourself around them
- 4.26 26. They don’t expect too much from you
- 5 Conclusion
Why Is Friendship Such A Vital Thing?
What, therefore, makes friendship so crucial in the first place? In essence, friends are necessary for everyone to be content, strong, and healthy. You’d be pretty lonely without friends, and loneliness is a dangerous place to be.
Friends aid in reminding you of the important things in life. When you’re having trouble, they encourage you and give you the advice you need, not just what you believe you’d like to hear.
Spending a day with a genuine friend can lift your spirits and serve as a reminder of the significance of smiling. You’ll basically become quite miserable if you don’t have buddies in your life.
It’s crucial to understand, though, that quality, not quantity, is what matters most. It’s not necessary for someone to stab you in the back when you’re not looking.
You can attract more positive people into your life and know when to steer clear of those who are only trying to act a certain way by knowing what qualities constitute a good friend. You can then learn how to be a good friend as well.
The BFF Code: How To Be A Good Friend
To be a friend, you have to treat someone with the same respect that you do. It entails being truthful as well as understanding when to press and when to back off. These are the guidelines that will help you become a great friend and make you a pleasure to be around.
1. You may attend a pity party
If you are friends with someone who has recently experienced something horrible, it might be hard to let them languish. The easiest approach to learn how to be a good friend is to recognize when someone simply wants a hug or some consolation.
Some people will bounce back from a kick in the ass, while others will require some coaxing to get going again.
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2. You are aware of when to use lemons to make vodka lemonade
Some people never just move on; instead, they will simmer for years. Sometimes you have to show up with vodka lemonade to turn those lemons around, instead of going to their pity party.
There are times when someone needs to be shown the other side and encouraged to go on. They will then realize that their world is not crumbling.
3. Have broad shoulders
It’s simple to let someone damage your feelings when you’re pals. There will be instances in which your friend is experiencing difficulties or drama. People don’t always shine during difficult circumstances, and occasionally they need somewhere to let out their rage.
The person they love and feel secure around is the most likely contender. Even if it’s challenging, you occasionally have to let someone vent and not take it personally, even if it feels personal.
Being their sounding board and occasionally their dumping ground comes with having heavy shoulders.
4. Have integrity
You owe it to them to be truthful and let them know if you disagree with their version of events or if you see them clinging to the idea that they were correct. Granted, telling a pal that you spotted their partner isn’t exactly enjoyable.
However, you must be honest even when it hurts if you want to know how to be a good friend. Just make sure that when you’ve torn everything apart, you stay around to pick up the pieces.
5. Communicate with them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear
We sometimes ask our pals who have the best “story” to tell us. This indicates that we want to hear what we want to hear, not what we should hear.
Being the good guy always feels good, but our friends don’t always benefit from it.
It could be more difficult to tell someone what they need to hear. But if you’re interested in learning how to be a true friend, you must tell them the things they may not want to hear, not only the things that would make them feel better.
6. Remain the devil’s advocate only when necessary
Everybody has people who are excellent at providing context and presenting the other side of an issue. That can be advantageous at times. Sometimes, though, it seems as though they are denying our pain or attempting to persuade us that our feelings aren’t genuine or accurate.
Being the devil’s advocate might occasionally come out as unhelpful. Sometimes, it might be best to simply wait to give them the other side, nod your head, and hold your tongue.
7. Be present when the music ends as well as throughout the festivities.
When things are good, everyone is a good buddy and life is a celebration. Those who remain friends long after the music fades are the true ones.
Being someone who wants to be present for the good times and stays behind to tidy up is actually very easy. It requires greater consideration and attention. Be the friend who sticks around even after everyone else has left.
8. Resist the urge to succumb.
It’s not always necessary to give in and set aside your own needs and desires in order to be a good friend. It doesn’t make you a good friend to be the martyr.
The majority of those who act as martyrs are doing so, rather than being authentic, they are attempting to win acceptance by acting “nice.” A decent buddy doesn’t require you to be their pin cushion. That really isn’t a true friendship at all.
9. Give them room
Sometimes it seems like things are simply not connecting, or your friend is getting too close. Understanding when to step away and give your friend some space is a necessary part of being a good friend.
Blowing up their phone when they are clearly attempting to get some space may strain your friendship and might even make them leave.
10. Give them top attention
When you arrange anything with a friend, you stick to it. Your friend will understand if you have to cancel if, after a year of longing for him, that hot guy calls and asks you out.
However, that doesn’t scream “friend,” it screams shallowness if you never make firm arrangements or are constantly on the lookout for something better to happen. [Read: The worst kind of friends are those that are easily manipulated]
11. Recognize and show compassion while they are going through a difficult moment
Setting aside your personal desires is a necessary part of becoming a good friend. Don’t recommend a girl flick to a friend who is going through a breakup. Empathy is the ability to place oneself in their shoes.
12. Verify that the partnership is mutually beneficial
Birds of a feather don’t necessarily flock together. Make sure you are giving them the same amount of attention as they are giving you, especially if you are a mountain person and they prefer a Sunday afternoon drive. To be a good friend, you must be there for them just as much as they are for you.
13. Avoid taking over the drama
Everybody has that drama queen for a friend. Sometimes they’re just plain fun, but other times they’re entertaining enough.
It might be time to check yourself and give someone else the stage for a while if you are the drama queen. Drama is enjoyable occasionally, but it will quickly grow stale if that is all you have and talk about.
14. Take tiny actions to make someone’s day happier.
Maintaining friendships in your mind is an essential part of being a good friend. Not every time can we get together or answer the phone. Send them a sweet text message saying “hi” to let them know you are thinking of them, even if you know it has been a while since you last spoke.
It is simple to become busy in our hectic world and cease talking to the people we care about, but remember that they will always be there.
By engaging in the special activities that keep you linked, make sure they know how much they matter to you.
15. Avoid being conceited
When someone new enters the group or you witness your best friend getting along with someone new, it might be difficult. Allowing your friend to have numerous friendships is a crucial part of being a good friend. The different demands we have in life are satisfied by different people.
You cannot be everything to someone, and they cannot be everything to you. Refrain from taking things personally if you discover that they had a party to which you were not invited, or to which they went without sending you an invitation.
It is a friendship rather than a rivalry. Having a large circle of friends can help you both fill the gaps and needs in your lives.
16. Let things go
Avoid being overly serious or possessing hot buttons. You must learn to accept things as they come if you want a friendship to last. You must learn to face or forgive, even if you are occasionally offended and sensitive.
It is a waste of energy and does nothing to strengthen your friendship to carry around a ton of baggage. It only weighs you down and makes you behave distantly.
Having a good friend requires reciprocity. Selfishness, seeing only our side of the story, and the need to be liked are all part of what makes us human. It’s not necessary to always give in or take to be a good friend. It involves striking a balance between providing for others and looking after yourself at the same time.
The finest advise is to “treat others as you would like to be treated.” It’s easier said than done, but occasionally you have to take on the role of the villain.
17. Be careful who you date at all times
It should go without saying that you should never, ever date your friend’s ex. Even though you love them, you shouldn’t go out with them.
Do you have any idea how painful that would be? Can you picture the wrath directed at you?
It’s just not worth it, and in any case, it will sour relations between you and your new partner. Find someone without the baggage and forget about it.
18. Don’t unintentionally become your friend; always stay true to who you are
You’d be surprised at how many best friends become nearly exact replicas of one another, even though this one may sound strange.
It’s easy to start liking the same things when you spend a lot of time together. But you also have a style of your own, and that must be maintained! Even if you unintentionally begin copying yourself, your friend will make you feel uncomfortable and begin to strain your friendship.
19. Crucial principle: When you travel together, you go together
Are you curious about how to be a good friend? Honor the code and never part from your best friend. Going out together means leaving and returning home together.
For whatever reason, breaking up with a friend is never cool. Your friend comes before anyone, regardless of whether you end up with your ideal partner or not! You can always meet with them at a later time and offer them your phone number.
20. If necessary, take your friend to battle
It is your responsibility to defend your friend if you overhear someone speaking behind their back. You naturally anticipate that they will do the same for you.
Whether they are in front of you or across town, you must stand up for their honor. It’s not cool to passive-aggressively listen to someone trash talk about your pal.
Put on your elbows and start defending! That’s how good friendships are learned.
21. You have to inform her if she has lipstick on her teeth
Strange, but accurate! Never allow your companion to go about with anything that could cause her shame on her face, body, or anywhere else.
Tell her if she has part of her sandwich lodged in her teeth. Tell her that perhaps her lipstick has moved up her face! Tell her immediately if you think she’s showing off her underwear because her skirt might be tucked in.
22. Never give up your female time to a guy
Nothing is worse than your friend constantly gushing about their new boyfriend after they met them. Check yourself immediately if this describes you. Yes, feel free to offer specifics, but never let your friend feel left out.
But you really shouldn’t miss out on your buddy’s time because of your newfound crush. Furthermore, you shouldn’t control the conversation by gushing about how amazing they are. Friendship time is sacred, remember that!
23. Your mouth is sealed
Never confirm with a friend what they say. Regardless of how juicy the rumors are, you have your mouth tightly shut.
When you repeat anything your friend confides in you and you do so even by accident, you’re betraying the trust.
Although it may seem simple, you should never engage in gossip. Never discuss your friend behind their back or divulge information about them to anyone else that they wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing. Don’t tell anyone anything, just to be safe!
The Essential Characteristics Of A Good Friend
We can all feel and understand what it means to be a good friend. However, we occasionally lose sight of what a true two-way friendship entails. In addition, you grow accustomed to someone’s behavior after spending so much time as friends. It’s time to change now, though.
Yes, you may have known your friend for a long time, but what good is a friendship if you’re not gaining anything from it?
It’s time to brush up on your friendship skills and recollections. So, you ought to be aware of the essential characteristics of a fantastic BFF.
1. They pay attention.
Alright, we understand it—sometimes when our pals tell us a story, we can’t help but be glued to our phones. However, if your friend only says, “Yeah, cool,” in response to your conversations and never glances up from their phone, that person is not worth your time.
Regardless of how many times they’ve told you this tale, a friend genuinely listens to you.
2. They encourage you
Seriously, why else do we have friends? When a friend is going through a difficult period, you are there for them. When they waste, you have to carry them out of the club and take them home. That’s a real friend.
3. They tolerate your imperfections
Your friend is likely aware of all your shortcomings, but they still choose to be in your life, so they must accept you for who you are.
In actuality, there’s no better way to determine whether or not a friend is genuine. They are there for you when you act like a total jerk as well as when you’re high on the drug.
4. You can discuss the unpleasant topics
Not only are we discussing sexual matters, but we’re also discussing personal matters that you wouldn’t discuss with the elderly woman seated across from you on the bus.
Your true friends ought to be able to hear what’s on your mind, private and sensitive, without passing judgment or sharing it on Facebook.
Remember that time you pooped your pants? Indeed, they do as well, although they didn’t say as much.
5. They make you grin when you’re feeling low.
They know you like the back of their hand, so they know just what cheers you up when you’re feeling low. Just simply looking at one another, you two giggle in private and exchange inside jokes.
6. They give you the truth.
You need someone to be honest with you, and that someone will only be your friends and family. This is what sets your friend apart from a stranger. They alert you when you appear foolish or when you have had too much alcohol.
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They’re not doing this to make fun of you, they do it because they care about you. They’re not going to give you a fake smile when you don’t deserve it.
7. They push you forward
People who try to knock you down instead of supporting you aren’t friends. They’re jealous and waiting for you to fail, two things you don’t need to surround yourself with.
Your true friends should encourage you regardless of your goals. If they say your goals are a waste of time or stupid, they’re not having your interests at heart.
8. Your secrets are kept
Your secrets, the ones you shared with them, are actually kept secrets. Now, that’s a good and true friend.
You may have done some things a little shady, and yeah, they know you did it. But, they’re not going to tell anyone because your dirty secrets are safe with them.
9. They’re reliable
We all have those friends that flake out and you just learn to not depend on them. But then, those aren’t good friends.
A good friend should be someone that’ll be there when they say they will. A person where you don’t have to wonder what’s going on with them, you just know they’ll come through.
10. They don’t judge you… that much
Of course, we all judge each other, this isn’t something new. However, whatever you do whether it’s good or bad, they don’t hold it against you. They chose you as a friend, so by judging you, it only makes them look bad.
11. They show love
We know this sounds corny, but it’s true. One of the best qualities of a good friend is that they will give you love however they choose to give it.
Everyone loves differently, but you’ll be able to feel the love from them. Maybe they came by when you were sick and dropped off some soup or watched movies with you the night your partner broke up with you.
12. Your successes are their successes
Competition between friends is normal and on some level, it’s healthy. However, a real friend is going to celebrate your successes with you because you’re their friend.
It directly affects them because you’re in their life and they love you. If your friend is pouting in the corner because you got a new job, well, that’s lame and they need to learn how to be a good friend.
13. They’re there even if they don’t agree with you
How many times has your friend done something where you think, “What the hell are they doing?” We think we’ve all been there, but since they’re your friend, you stick it out. They may not agree with what you’re doing but they accept you.
14. They stick it out when times get rough
We have all been through hard times. Perhaps a loved one passing away, a nasty breakup, but your friend is there through whatever you experience.
They’re not going to be there just in the beginning, they’re going to be there until the very end.
15. Time is irrelevant
We all take different paths as we grow up. Some of us will move or get married or have children, but when you meet up with your friends, it’s like time hasn’t passed. You’re not making small talk, you just jump back right where you left off.
16. The ability to make you laugh, no matter how you feel
A true friend is someone who puts a smile on your face to take your mind from any heartache or negativity you might be feeling. Of course, they also know exactly what to say or do to raise that smile. They know you inside out.
It takes compassion and empathy to recognize when a friend is in need, and it takes strength of character to be able to hold them up and make them smile.
Is this something you do on a regular basis? If not, work out their sense of humor hotspots, and use them wisely, when required.
17. Selflessness when you need them the most
What makes a good friend different from all the rest lies in their ability to be there for you when required. Of course, this doesn’t mean they should always drop absolutely everything to be at your doorstep whenever you have a bad day. But it does mean that when you really need them in the hard times, they’re there for you, whether in person or on the end of a phone.
How many times in the recent past have you been selfless with your friends in need? Most of us find it easy to have too much on our own plates. Sometimes a friend in need is someone you need to be there for, above all else.
18. They do their best to understand you
We’re all different. For instance, you may have a friend that is a very different personality from you. Despite that, you do your best to understand them and love them for their differences. That’s what makes a good friend.
If we were all the same, life would be very boring indeed. By allowing ourselves to see different character traits and accept and appreciate them, we learn to become better friends and more accepting of people in general.
19. They have your back, whether you’re there or not
Let’s be honest, we live in rather bitchy times. There aren’t many friends who will have your back whether you’re with them or not. If they hear someone talking badly about you when you’re not around, would they go over and back you up? Probably not.
What makes a good friend quite literally amazing is the ability to stick up for you through thick and thin.
You’re their lobster, to quote a Friends episode, but in a strictly friendship-based way. This is a friend you should keep in your life no matter what.
20. Loyalty in the face of adversity
Humans are selfish. We all are. That means that sometimes we find it hard to put the best interests of others before our own. Of course, sometimes you should put your own interests first, but not always. A friend who is loyal to you and sticks by you is precious.
What about being loyal in the face of adversity?
Would they put their own needs before yours all the time? This is something to think about, and something for you to explore in terms of what you would do for your own friends.
21. Valuing the friendship above all else
What makes a good friend? Understanding the value of friendship from the get-go. How important is friendship in your life? Do you lean on it and cherish it, or do you simply assume it will be there regardless of what life throws at you?
A true friend is someone who values your friendship and understands the importance you bring to their life.
Examine how you feel about the friendships in your life. Do you feel you could live without them? If so, maybe they’re not as special as you think they are, or maybe it’s your take on what friendship is, which needs a slight adjustment.
22. They encourage you to do better
A true friend will always be your biggest cheerleader. They’ll push you to do things even when you don’t believe in yourself and they’ll give you the strength you need to keep going.
They won’t stand for any “…but I can’t do it” nonsense, they’ll tell you straight that you can!
23. They don’t let arguments fester
A good friend won’t let an argument between the two of you go on for too long. Of course, you’re going to argue sometimes, it’s normal, but it won’t turn into a major problem. Instead, you talk it over and get through it. Or, you just laugh about it – more likely!
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24. Spending time with them makes you feel good
When you spend time with a good friend, they raise you up and make you feel happy. The bond you have between you is a true feel-good factor and it helps you to overcome anything that life throws at you.
You know you have a good friend when you can sit in silence and still feel comfortable. [Read: How to have fun with friends – 40 ways to beat boredom]
25. You can simply be yourself around them
When you’re around someone who is a close friend, you can just be yourself. You don’t feel the need to be someone you’re not or act a different way. You’re both just who you are and you know that you’re accepted and happy.
You feel calm and centered when you’re with them and it allows you to open up and talk about anything, knowing that you’ll never be judged.
26. They don’t expect too much from you
A good friend will never ask for too much. They’ll never push you to do something that you’re truly not happy or comfortable with either.
If someone does this, know that they’re just not a good friend and they don’t know you at all. When you’re in the company of a good friend, they’ll challenge you, for sure, but they’ll never make you feel awkward or uncomfortable.
Conclusion
You’ve no doubt heard the saying about good friends being like stars. Basically, it means that you don’t need to be around them all the time to know that they’re there. That’s often the case with the busy lives we lead these days.
When you have a good friend in your life, you know that you can pick up the phone and it will be like you’ve never spent any time apart.
That’s how you know you’ve got a true friend in your life.
If you need to constantly be around each other and demand too much, that’s not a good sign. A good friendship feels comfortable and warm. Of course, you have to put the work in because it’s a relationship at the end of the day, but you don’t need to work so hard.
You have each other’s backs and you know one another inside out. If there’s a problem, you talk through it and fix it. There’s no need to stress or push anything.
So how many of these friends do you have in your life? And more importantly, can you see yourself as this friend? After all, you can’t expect to get a true friendship if you’re not giving your friend the same in return!