To ensure a positive experience for all parties involved, there are the dos and don’ts of dating a coworker, you must abide to. Romantic relationships in the workplace can be a delicate matter, requiring careful consideration of both personal and professional boundaries.
Does it ever feel like a lot of upcoming romances are happening at the office? Many of our favorite fictional relationships were undoubtedly once workplace crushes or office flirtations. Consider David and Patrick from “Schitt’s Creek,” Mulder and Scully from “The X-Files,” or Jim and Pam from “The Office.”
Given that the majority of individuals spend a third of their lives at work, it makes sense that chemistry could develop with a cute coworker. Even though these kinds of romances are typical, dating a coworker can cause problems in both your personal and professional life and disturb office decorum. Some places of business even have tight policies against office romances.
Even if the way people meet romantic partners has changed due to online dating, one of the top five venues for heterosexual couples to meet is still at work. According to a survey, almost 60% of American people have dated a coworker at some point in their professional lives. Despite the fact that 43% of these office romances resulted in marriage, according to the same report, relationships at work can still lead to issues.
Contents
- 1 Evaluating the Relationship’s Worthiness
- 2 Knowing Formal Policy
- 3 Sexual Assault and Destructive Treatment
- 4 Going Slowly
- 5 Maintaining Professionalism
- 6 Avoid Office PDA
- 7 Maintain Strong Boundaries
- 8 Don’t Be Partial
- 9 How To Deal With The Challenges
- 10 Some Legal Aspect To Consider
- 11 Seeking Support And Counseling
- 12 What You Need To Know
- 13 Conclusion
At a Glance
Office romances can work out, and there are no state or federal laws that say you can’t date a coworker. However, your company may have policies regarding such relationships, so it is important to educate yourself about these guidelines before you pursue a potential relationship. The relationship must be welcomed, consensual, and mutually agreed upon–otherwise, it might constitute sexual harassment, which is illegal. Keep reading to learn more about some of the dos and don’ts of dating a coworker.
Dos
- Know company policy
- Understand the risks
- Decide if it’s worth it
- Take it slow
- Stay professional
Don’ts
- PDA
- Argue at work
- Spend too much time together at work
- Harass, discriminate, or retaliate
- Show favoritism
Evaluating the Relationship’s Worthiness
Determining whether dating someone at work is risk-worthy is perhaps the first and most crucial challenge. Although it may sound romantic to dive headfirst into a whirlwind relationship, the reality might be far less satisfying if you later find out you’re not the right fit.
Read Also: The Importance of Meet-Cutes in the Era of Online Dating
There are many excellent reasons why people think it’s worthwhile to date when they’re employed. You engage with them for the most part of the day, so it’s likely that you feel at ease and have gotten to know them very well. How effective a relationship will be can be inferred from your initial love impressions.
You are drawn together by a wealth of common experiences that you share because you work together. These relationships can help you bond outside of work by providing you with a wealth of anecdotes and inside jokes.
Plus, let’s be honest, it’s often hard to find time outside of work to pursue other romantic interests. Dating someone you know, like, and get to spend time with each day can seem like a win-win.
However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give some of the risks associated with dating a coworker careful thought. The following are possible difficulties you could run into when dating a coworker:
- Perceptions of favortism
- Problems with human resources
- Conflict or discomfort following a breakup
- Negative effects on your work
- Risks to your job
- Workplace gossip
Knowing Formal Policy
Even if the relationship has a lot of potential, you should take your employer’s formal workplace dating policies into consideration. “I know it sounds corny, but…my biggest piece of advice is read the handbook! Everything you need to know about relationships at work should be explained in detail, including any legal issues that might arise due to your actions or lack thereof,” says Tramelle D. Jones, a career and resume coach, wellness expert, and founder of TDJ Consulting. Let’s say you’ve considered the risks and determined that, yes, this person is worth pursuing.
Since most of these handbooks, policies, and operations guides can now be found online, Jones suggests using the “find” function to search the document to locate exactly what you are looking for.
Some organizations have policies prohibiting office romances, while others require that a relationship be reported to a management or human resources. Prior to beginning a relationship, always make sure you are aware of the official policy to avoid any potential consequences.
Being in the dark about these policies can lead to problems if you decide to pursue the relationship.
It is noteworthy that companies have to exercise particular caution when it comes to partnerships with LGBTQIA+ employees. Employees who don’t want other people at work to know their sexual orientation may find it difficult to comply with company policy, which may compel them to declare their connection to HR.
The Society for Human Resource Management states that while LGBTQIA+ employees should be treated equally with other employees, employers should use discretion to prevent revealing an employee’s identify.
If you aren’t sure if the relationship is OK or need to disclose it, consider asking HR for clarification on office relationships before jumping into a new romance.
Sexual Assault and Destructive Treatment
While dating in the workplace is not prohibited, sexual harassment and discrimination are. As long as the relationship doesn’t violate federal laws prohibiting sexual harassment, dating a coworker isn’t illegal. Employers are worried about the possibility of harassment claims and lawsuits, though. In addition, they are concerned about possible legal repercussions in the event that their relationship fails.
A connection crosses the line, according to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), if it includes:
- Unwanted sexual advances
- Conduct that constitutes sexual harassment
- Interferes with a person’s work
- Creates a hostile, intimidating, or offensive work environment
- Involves requests for sexual favors
Recap
Many companies do have policies in place regarding workplace relationships. You should always check your employee handbook to see what the formal policy is and adhere to whatever the official policy says.
Going Slowly
When you decide to date your coworker, you still need to act cautiously, even after you’ve considered the hazards and reviewed company policy.
Read Also: What to Do If You Think Your Partner Is a Womanizer
Going headlong into a romantic relationship with someone you work with can backfire. It’s crucial to start slowly and lay a strong foundation in order to create a strong romantic relationship (and prevent jeopardizing your business relationship).
Don’t let love (or lust) cloud your judgment. If you jump into a relationship too hastily, you might be blindsided if things don’t work out as planned.
For instance, if you go too fast and later realize that you’re not a good fit for the company, things could get quite awkward. However, you can get so enamored that it becomes difficult for you to concentrate on your work, which could endanger both of your careers.
The greatest method to prevent issues is to have a conversation and create a strategy. Talk about your approach to the relationship, the importance of taking things gently, and your commitment to maintaining a completely professional demeanor at work.
Maintaining Professionalism
Establishing certain ground rules is crucial, in addition to moving slowly. It’s important to be professional. That entails drawing distinct lines between your personal and work lives and keeping them there.
According to therapist and Path Forward Therapy owner Frank Thewes, LCSW, “people can maintain professionalism in the workplace while dating if they have the emotional stability and resilience to handle a breakup.” “If either party can’t handle that extreme outcome, then maybe the relationship has to be reconsidered.”
Avoid Office PDA
Maintain a tight professional demeanor at work. That means no talking about personal concerns or making public shows of affection while working. When you’re at work or around your coworkers, treat each other the same way you would your colleagues. (Also, stop using pet names while at work).
Remember that your relationship may affect others in the workplace. Be respectful of your colleagues’ boundaries and avoid making them uncomfortable.
— TRAMELLE D. JONES, CAREER AND RESUME COACH
Maintain Strong Boundaries
Make a distinct division between your personal and professional lives. This entails refraining from discussing personal matters at work and vice versa.
“Get clear about the nature of your relationship with your partner and ensure that both of you are on the same page regarding your expectations and boundaries,” Jones advises.
Establishing clear boundaries helps reduce the possibility of conflicts of interest developing and endangering your career or personal relationships. It also promotes a better work-life balance.
Don’t Be Partial
Treating your lover and coworkers the same way should be done with caution. “If possible, avoid discussing your relationship with other colleagues or involving them in personal matters to avoid any unfair judgment from others in the workplace,” Jones advises.
Your coworkers may become resentful if they believe that you are receiving preferential treatment because of your relationship status if they are aware that you are dating. Avoid the problem by treating everyone equally and fairly.
How To Deal With The Challenges
It’s not as uncommon as you may think to date your coworker, but it’s not always simple. A few obstacles that may cause problems in both your professional and romantic lives are as follows:
- Unwanted attention and office gossip
- Difficulty staying professional
- Personal conflicts that bleed over into the workplace
- Workplace conflicts that boil over into arguments during your personal time together
- Awkwardness or discomfort from colleagues
- Jealousy or anger from coworkers who think the relationship is leading to favoritism
- Difficult power dynamics, particularly if one partner is in a position of authority over the other
- Increased stress from trying to juggle workplace obligations, the relationship, and the need to keep things strictly professional
- Distress and conflict if the relationship ends in a breakup
You should act professionally if things don’t work out because not every office romance will result in a long-term commitment. In the event that the relationship ends in a breakup, you must remain focused on the greater picture. Keep your attention on your work and prevent personal dramas from interfering with your productivity.
Don’t give in to the temptation to avoid or approach your ex at work. Although it may not always be simple, it’s crucial to handle them the same as you would any other employee. “Conflicts happen in any relationship, but it’s essential to handle them maturely and avoid arguing or discussing personal matters in the workplace,” adds Jones.
Some Legal Aspect To Consider
There are a number of legal considerations to keep in mind before dating a coworker. These include the potential for:
- Sexual harassment: The relationship must be 100% consensual. Unwelcome comments, advances, or requests may constitute sexual harassment.
- Policy violations: While a company might not fully prohibit all workplace dating, they may have certain rules against dating subordinates.
- Privacy issues: You may have certain expectations of privacy, but it can be difficult to maintain on a day-to-day basis when you are romantically involved with a colleague.
- Conflicts of interest: Relationships that involve a supervisor and a subordinate can create a conflict of interest, including the potential for abuse of power.
- Discrimination and retaliation: If the relationship ends, it may lead to claims of discrimination and retaliation if one person feels they are being treated unfairly.
“Most companies are concerned about workplace relationships, especially between a supervisor and a subordinate, since romantic relationships can get messy!” Jones states. “It’s the organization’s responsibility to monitor violations of company policy to prevent situations from escalating into sexual harassment claims, conflicts of interest, and/or hostile work environment lawsuits,”
More and more people are becoming aware of the kinds of workplace assaults that occur frequently as a result of the #MeToo movement. This encompasses the frequently subtle ways in which individuals could experience coercion to form a romantic relationship.
When a person in a lower position dates someone in a higher position, like their supervisor, the situation becomes more complicated. First, there’s the worry that the individual enters the connection under duress or out of fear of being punished if they refuse. This makes the workplace uncomfortable and exposes the company to legal action resulting from sexual harassment.
Plus, it’s possible for other staff members to see partiality or assume that the subordinate employee is using the relationship to progress in their career or obtain favors from others. Such ideas can fuel office rumors and cast doubt on an individual’s achievements in the workplace.
Research suggests that the costs of dating a workplace superior can be high; subordinates in office romances are less likely to be invited to professional development activities and are less likely to be promoted
Make sure your coworker and you share the same interests before approaching them with a date. It should not be necessary or forced upon either of you to accept a date. Pay attention to social signs and take into account any potential contributing circumstances, such as responsibilities at work and power dynamics. Ensure that the other person is comfortable enough to decline your advances if they are not interested.
Seeking Support And Counseling
Speaking with others about the possible relationship and its implications for your personal and professional life may also prove beneficial. It’s simple to become too invested in the other person and lose perspective of the situation when you’re caught up in the early rush of infatuation.
Think about consulting a trusted friend, career counselor, mental health specialist, or even a lawyer.
According to research, people’s reactions to advise regarding romantic relationships at work vary greatly. Positive and encouraging counsel tends to be more well-received by people than uninvited, pessimistic, ambiguous, or criticizing advice.
Advice From a Career Expert
To help steer clear of potential complications, Jones recommends:
- Knowing and complying with company policies on workplace relationships
- Treating your partner like any other colleague
- Avoiding public displays of affection and favoritism
- Keeping personal matters private
- Dealing with conflicts maturely and professionally
“But most importantly, be prepared for change! We know relationships can sometimes lead to changes in work dynamics or end unexpectedly. Be prepared to navigate these changes professionally,” she explains.
See a mental health professional if you are currently dating a coworker and it is having unanticipated effects on your work life. They can support you while you work on setting and upholding boundaries. Additionally, you can learn coping mechanisms that will improve the way you handle stress, interactions with others, and work-life balance.
What You Need To Know
Even if more and more individuals are finding love online, one of the most typical places for romance to blossom is the workplace. Without a question, it can be a location to meet someone with whom you connect deeply, but there’s also a good chance that something bad could happen.
Consider the personal and professional ramifications of a workplace romance before bringing up the subject of a potential relationship. Is this curiosity welcomed by the other person? Do they think it’s okay to reject you? If the response to each of those inquiries is anything other than a resounding “Yes,” then pursuing a possible romance is not advised.
Think about the implications for your job and emotional well-being as well. Could dating a coworker be detrimental to your career? Will communicating with your coworkers become more difficult as a result? If the relationship doesn’t work out, how will you react? You are the only one who can answer those questions, but before determining whether dating your coworker is the appropriate decision, weigh the advantages and disadvantages.
Conclusion
Many people have discovered enduring love with a coworker, proving that love may be found in unexpected places. Before determining whether this is the best option for you, just make sure you’ve considered the hazards and reviewed the official policies.Going Slowly